The Wayfarer's Journey to Happiness

As a kid I remember sitting in Catholic school class and they would treat all of us once a week to a radio broadcast over the loudspeaker.  They always played a broadcast of someone reading a story like a serial soap opera.  Trying something new this time, I am posting part of a short story I have written here.  It is not as much of a serial event like those radio programs I heard as a kid, but this is the first part of a two part blog. Stay tuned next week for the ending...Enjoy!








The Wayfarer's Journey to Happiness

I needed a new word for tired. My legs were sore, my feet ached, and my heart was heavy.  This journey was long and I was lost. I did not know how much longer this trek would take or even where I would end up.  All I knew was that I wanted home.  I didn't know if I would even recognize home at this point but, I wasn't going to give up or give in. I felt an exhaustion course through me like I have never felt before. It was not because of the long journey but because it was a hard journey.

I stopped next to a creek bed to rest.  I was so thirsty and my stomach grumbled with hunger. I dipped my hand into the cool water and raised it to my lips.  The cold liquid slid down my throat and I could feel its whole path through my body. It filled my empty stomach enough for me to stand back up to start back on my quest for home.

As I turned back to the path I saw a man staring at me through the trees on the other side of the road. There was nothing outstanding about this man. He was short with only thin wisps of dark hair strategically placed over a balding head. He was portly and even his drab, dirty robes, which looked as if they were made from scratchy material, could not hide this fact.  He had a round Asiatic face but even from the distance I could see the light of intelligence in his eyes.  As I neared the road, and got closer to the man, I saw that he was older than I initially thought.  The light in his eyes was youthful but it was difficult to see up close given the layer of dirt and grime and the wrinkles which showed a long, hard life.

He stood across from me with a sly grin now on his face pointed in my direction, a twinkle in his eyes, his hands clasped over his rounded center, but he did not say a word.  I finally gave a shrug of my shoulders, whispering under my breath, “little weirdo.”  I turned to head down the road again when I heard him clear his throat and in a clear, loud voice he asked if I wanted to find happiness.  I answered without thinking as I tried to continue walking, “Of course.”

“Do you know if you are on the right path?”

I was tired and cranky and the old man was now blocking my path so I snapped in response, “What is this some kung fu, samurai, voodoo crap?  Does anyone ever know really if they are on the right path? I do know one thing.  You are blocking the path I am on and need to get out of my way.”

The smile never left the old man's face, even after my rude response which I started to regret the moment the words left my mouth.  I shrank back in disgust when I saw the discoloration of his teeth and the large gap on the bottom where two were missing. Who was this man? He was dirty, bedraggled, wrinkled, short, and just stood there grinning.  I put my hand to my head which still hadn't stopped its constant pounding and aching to try and massage away the pain in hopes that my thoughts about this man would become clearer.

He rose up and down on the balls of his feet and gave a laugh.  “Ah...so you are on a life quest.  We all take those at times in our lives, even if we don't realize it.”

“I am not on a damn life quest.  I really just want to get home.” I said as I felt exhaustion creep over my body.  “Who are you anyway?”

“My name is To-dai.”

“Today?”

“No no.  To-dai.” He responded giving a chuckle.  “And, where is home?”

This question made me uncomfortable. I started to shuffle my feet and look at the ground. Finally I just gave a shrug of my shoulders and said, “I don't know.”  Before he could react though I quickly stated, “But I will know it when I get there.”

His face became unreadable as his brows knit together and he put his splayed fingers up to his mouth as if in deep thought.  He started to nod his head and then finally said, “Good, good.”

He started to finally step aside shuffling out of my way.  I gave him one more strange look and then hoisted my pack higher up my shoulder, feeling its weight and started to pass by him.  I got only a few feet when I heard him call out, “Life quests have many obstacles to get through.  There may be war, famine, heartache, mountains, oceans, rain, snow, and indifference.  We are all on a life quest. In the end we all reach home, scarred, changed, and for the soldier, stronger. You will get home.  Follow this path you are on and you will find all of that.  Turn around and follow this other path and you may not.  You have to choose.  Will you choose the path that may leave just a pebble in your shoe to worry about or will you choose the path that will lead you over mountains, valleys and oceans?”

I started looking down one way and then the other.  Both of the roads looked the same to me.  They had cracks and potholes and were tree-lined.  Nothing stood out different from one side to the other.  There was no sign with arrows pointing, “This way for an easy trail” with an opposite arrow that said, “This way for a painful trek.”  I once again just gave a shake of my head and thought, “Why am I listening to a crazy old man anyway?”

I continued to walk down the road that I had started.  After a while I peered over my shoulder but the old man was gone. I put the conversation out of my mind and just continued with my travels.

The sun started to rise higher in the sky and I had already sopped through the first sweat rag I had in my pack.  I felt sticky and wet and knew I needed to find some shade quick.  The tree lined paths from earlier were gone and now the terrain was barren and empty except for dust and sand, all of which was broiling under the sun along with me. I felt alone except for the bugs that flew in my face or I saw crawling along the ground which I tried to avoid. 

Each step seemed harder to take than the previous one.  I knew my energy was fading and I needed to eat and drink some water and take a brief rest to gather my resources again.  I rounded a bend feeling the weight of my pack like it was full of large rocks instead of supplies.  Around the bend I saw a small grove of thin trees.  I mustered up enough reserved energy to reach the grove and proceeded to lie on the ground for a few minutes in fatigue.   The trees did not offer much cover from the sun that was beating down on me but the rest I was taking was much needed and I felt some of my strength slowly come back to me.  There was a slight breeze that I also felt on my face and I leaned toward it letting the little bit of cool air dry me off and refresh me.  I finally sat back up and opened my pack, pulling out a canteen of water gulping it greedily.  The one nagging fear that came into my mind was that I did not know when I would be able to refill my canteen again and knew I should conserve the water when I can. 

I slowly dug through my pack again until I found some ready-made food.  The ache in my stomach felt like such a permanent condition that I almost didn't notice it anymore...almost.  I took a bite and then gobbled up my food like I hadn't eaten in days.  It really had only been half a day but the full stomach now actually left me a bit nauseous.  I took one smaller sip of water trying to conserve and it settled my stomach down. 

As I was putting the canteen back in my pack I was startled by a loud explosion in the distance.  I almost fell to the ground in shock and fear.  My senses were instantly on alert.  In the distance I saw a fire creep over the land like a bright, slow-moving snail.  I started hearing a “Pop! Pop!” in the distance.  I quickly gathered my things and started running down the road thinking I was running away from whatever was occurring nearby.  I wasn't.  I was running towards it. The noises around me and my fear and adrenaline had me turned around.  I rounded another bend and saw men with weapons.  They were holding their rifles tight and pointed.  The weapons reminded me of the M1 Grand I've seen in pictures with my grandfather who fought in World War II.

I instantly froze and then went to turn on my heels when I was pulled suddenly from behind.  A young man that looked only about nineteen years old thrust a weapon in my hand. “Here. Shoot.  We are being overrun.”

“No, no, no.  I can't shoot.  I don't know what to do.” I yelled at him as he was running off.

He looked over his shoulder and simply said, “If you see red uniforms and it is moving...shoot it!”

I started to shake.  I was not a hunter. I did not grow up playing guns. I grew up reading classics and playing with dolls. I knew I had to get through this area to reach my destination. I did not know why I knew this but I did. I was on a path and unfortunately this trail led me here.

I hid behind a tree and tried to think about how to stay safe and get through. I peeked slowly around the corner keeping my weapon ready to shoot but out of sight enough that no one could see it if they were looking at my hiding place. Nearby I heard a twig snap and my attention instantly became alert.  I needed to know if it was the enemy or a friendly.  I stole another peak around the corner and saw a flash of red move.  Without even thinking, I put the weapon to my shoulder.  I did not think other than to notice what was around me.  I did not waver other than to try to keep my mind hyper focused on the enemy ahead.  I waited, and then, I saw them inch closer in sight.  I counted out three seconds as he neared my position and then inhaled and held my breath, flew around the tree and put my finger on the trigger and SHOT!

I don't think I breathed for a full minute after I shot. The pounding I thought was from the sound of the gun was actually the adrenaline ringing through my ears.  The man fell to the ground.  I walked over to his lifeless body, making sure he was not fooling me in any way by playing opossum. I put my boot to his side and I gave a swift kick. He lie face down on the ground and did not make a sound.  That is when I noticed the pool of blood forming under him and I realized the consequence of my actions in disbelief.  Before I could register any of this though I heard steps behind me and swung the gun around ready to defend my life. “No! We are friendlies.”

I instantly swung my gun up and then fell back against the tree.  The feel of the hard bark digging into my back and the strength of the wide based tree supported me for a moment while I tried to gather my thoughts into some normal calmer pattern again instead of a chaotic mess. I heard the solider approach me.

“Who are you? What are you doing in a war zone where you shouldn’t be? Are you crazy?” He scolded like I was a misbehaving child.

“No…no…I guess…I was lost.” I stammered in response. “I am trying to find my way and the path brought me here.  I did not expect to have to battle in a war. I did not expect to have to fight my way through a forest just to get back onto my trail. I truly thought it would just be a straight way with a few turns maybe…not war.”

The solider studied my face for a moment.  There was something oddly disconcerting about the way he stared at me.  It was as if he was trying to hear beyond my words and see through me to discover if I were leaving out a truth.

“Life has a way of doing that to us doesn’t it?  Come on.  Follow me. I know a hidden way to the edge of the encampment that will take you to safer and higher ground. Walk fast though. I can’t be loitering with you all day.”

He started to march through the trees and swift was exactly how he moved.  I practically had to run to keep pace with him.  I felt myself start to breathe hard. “What did you mean by ‘life has a way of doing that to us’?”  I managed to gasp out the words, now fighting for a breath.

He stopped and looked at me with that hard look again. I did not care this time though. I was just enjoying the brief break from his fast pace and put my hand up onto a nearby tree as I pulled air into my lungs hoping to lessen the breathless gasping I had been doing.

He handed me a canteen of water which I gulped at greedily and he answered as I drank. “No one expects to be faced with a battle or a war.  Everyone leads their life on a path and hope that it is straight and sunny and there are never any obstacles.  War happens though.  You don’t plan for it.  You can try to skirt around the edge of it to avoid it, you can run away and hide, or you can face it and head into the battle.  You can snatch up your guns and you can shoot at your enemy all while turning off the emotional side of yourself and turning on the survival side.  That is war.  The strong are the ones that battle and, yes, sometimes lose, but at least do not stop or hide but run in and face the enemy.”

I stood slowly taking in his words, looking down as I did to the gun that remained in my grip and which I held in front of me for protection.  I was again feeling less labored in breathing, I took one more gulp of water and handed him back the canteen.  He spun on his heel and head back down what was now barely a path.  We were moving under low hanging branches, obstructed by large roots in the ground, the areas where sunlight could not reach were soggy and wet, and the leaves made me slip a few times forcing me to grab onto the closest branches I could find.

We finally seemed to come upon a tree line and he pushed me to the ground into a kneeling position and raised his fingers to his lips for me to remain still.  He peeked through the thick bush slowly making barely any movement so that the enemy would not be alerted to our presence.  He finally felt secure that there was no one around and gave me a nod. 

We stood up and headed out of the cover of the forest.  “I did not think the enemy would be here.  They are far up the hill top where most of the fighting is currently, but you can never be too careful of the reconnaissance teams.  See this creek bed.  Walk close to it and follow it for about four miles.  It will run and lead you to a small lake.  That is where you can take up on the road again.  That road will continue away from the fighting and your path should be much easier now.  Remain at constant alert though until you hit the road.  Here, take this also.  It will protect you from the sun.”  He handed me a dark scarf which I tied around my head.

I gave the man a smile and then felt an indescribable urge and found myself pulling him into a hug.  “Thank you so much.  I don’t know if I could have gotten out of there alive without you.”

“He gave me a slow easy grin. “You would have been fine.  Now take care. I must return to my men.”

He turned to head back into the forest, although I suspected he was kneeling out of sight watching to make sure I made it down the creek.  I walked along the edge of it for a couple minutes and turned to look over my shoulder to see if I could notice him.  When I turned back I heard a shot echo through the whole forest.  It made me jump and the birds in the trees in unison flew off in loud, winged fear.  I wanted to run back to check on the solider whose name I never even got, but who I felt a kinship to after he selflessly led me to safety.  In my heart I was fearful of finding out that the shot was not made by him.  I also knew that I should not turn back but run. 

My head suddenly screamed one thought at me as I started to see a shadow of red through the trees…”RUN!”  And, that is just what I did.  I ran and dodged the trees, keeping close to the creek line as my guide.  After about ten minutes I did not hear anyone follow me.  I also noticed the creek bed getting wider and wider and knew I was getting close to the lake.  I stopped and hid behind a bush gathering my wits and my breath once again.  The sun was falling in the sky now and I knew that I would have to find shelter soon. My heart ached when I thought of the dead solider, who may not have died if he were not helping or concerned for my safety.  This was a loss I could not understand. 

Pushing aside this type of thinking for now to focus on the challenge I had ahead of me, I leaned over and filled my canteen. My stomach began to make loud noises in protest as I realized I was again hungry and water was not filling that void anymore.  I kept myself hidden within the trees except for when I had to go out for water at the creek.  I would always take my rifle with me then and remain vigilant as I searched the landscape.  I started to wonder if I was just being foolish now or, if once you learn the need for vigilance you can never fully return to peaceful naivety.  I sat down and pulled my bag closer to me.  I rummaged through it until I again found a sandwich wrapped in paper and some fruit. It was not much but it will tie me over for now.

The sun was falling and losing its own battle now to the dark night.  The night falling usually made me fearful of what was out there.  I was scared of the unknown and what could happen to me.  After my small battle and actions of the day, I realized I was not afraid of the night anymore.  Instead, I found a comfort in it.  It protected me from sight of the enemy and it allowed me to seek shelter and rest.  I laid my head down with my bag propped under it like a pillow and I fell into an exhaustive, fitful sleep. 

The next morning it was the rising of the early morning sun sweeping over my face which woke me from a deep, exhausting sleep. I started out early and managed to find the lake the solider mentioned after an hour and I knew the road was close by.  I filled my canteen, not knowing when I would have the opportunity along this trail again, and I ate a morning snack of blueberries which I found growing near the lake.  It was not much but it would give me the small boost of energy until mid-day.  I veered to the left and climbed up a small craggy hill and at the top I was again planted onto the road.

I looked back down over where I have already traveled and marveled at the enormity of what I had been through and survived.  I must be close to home now after all of that, right?  With that small hope I turned back to the road and continued my trek home.

I continued walking all day without any major incidents like the previous day, one foot in front of the other, the sun beating down on me hard by mid-afternoon.  I stopped periodically to rest and dry out from the heat. I realized I had to take more frequent rests than when I started on my journey and it was slowing me down.

The terrain began to change a bit by the early afternoon.  It was becoming more elevated and difficult to maneuver in my fatigued state.  I could see mountains in the distance and hoped that I would not have to climb over any and this trail would cut through them instead.  There were clouds forming overhead and I knew a storm was fast approaching.  I started to look for any kind of shelter as I walked, but only found tree lines or hilly, craggy fields.

I reached the top of another long, winding incline, fighting for breath I stopped.  I had to put my hands on my knees and my head down until I could breathe normally again.  As I stood up I gasped and almost fell backwards.  There in front of me was the small mountain I was hoping to avoid.  I knew I had been nearing it, having marveled at the beauty of the mountains in the distance, but here it was presented before me, blocking my straight and peaceful journey I had most of that day.  I knew it was either find a way around it, which could take so much longer or find the strength to climb it, which I did not have at the moment. I wanted to just lie down on the ground and cry.

Instead, I looked up into the sky for an answer and felt the first drop of rain hit me in the face.  I knew I wouldn’t be climbing that mountain today with the storm now almost upon me.  It was late afternoon and based on the darkness of the clouds in the sky this was going to be a storm of large size.  I needed somewhere to ride it out in safety.

I moved fast as I edged closer to the mountain.  A small recess off to the side caught my attention in the corner of my eye.  I moved some of the branches and brush aside and saw a small cave.  Just at that moment, I was startled by a loud clap of thunder that sounded more like the Earth were breaking apart.  Without thinking of what was inside, I crawled into the hole, feeling the hard packed ground on my knees.  I settled with my back against one wall, put my knees up, and buried my face.

It was only a matter of moments before the sky opened up and rain poured down in a sheet.  I had found shelter in the nick of time.  I usually loved the sound of storms and the bigger and wilder the better.  I sat there and listened to the music of the storm outside so full of rage and wildness.  Yet, invading my enjoyment of the sounds was the nagging dread of the mountain in my way.  I knew the only way was to climb over the mountain.  The storm outside did not give me energy like listening to a storm normally did.  I felt tiredness hit me that was not physical. I sank back, closed my eyes, and knew I better rest now.  I had a hard trek ahead of me and will need all of my strength for this one. 

TO BE CONTINUED.......