Writing in Red

I know, I know, another poem. How could I?  I had a writing inspiration and a writing feast. I couldn't stop myself. It is amazing what a little peace and time away from chaos can do. Next week's post will be the end of the short story series (I promise!!! I have it almost complete and then need to edit it.) and then it is back to the book posts. I am almost done. Two more chapters to go. Don't distract me now. 

Writing in Red Lipstick

I came home that night

Walked up the stairs slowly

Never turning on the light

Enjoying the cloak of darkness

Fearing the glaring light of reality

I did not fear the dark

It was a blanket that covered up sins and scars

It was an impassable wall

Keeping at bay the wolf who now sleeps

Down the hall from me

I know the path by memory

The memories of destruction seldom easily fade

I entered my room

Slowly closed the door

Never making a sound

Never disturbing the night into waking

Never alerting the moon

To appear from behind that cloud

And I locked the door

Knowing its fallible defense won't protect me

Refusing even now to light my path

I tip toed and stumbled

Cursing under my breath

Soundless fury, quiet shock

I walked into the bathroom

Closed the door behind me

It whispered shut

And I held my breath

The sound of nothing felt loud, screaming

My held breath releases

Like a gale force wind

I crept like a ballerina

Gliding effortlessly on my toes

I grabbed a towel, rolling it into an impenetrable roll

I laid it by the crack in the door

No light gets out, no light gets in.

I turned on the light

And looked straight into the mirror

I tried to give a smile

But it didn't change my face

Dark circles

Tear stained eyes

Red nose

Disheveled hair

Sunken cheeks

And eyes whose depths of sadness

Seemed deeper than the ocean

I clench my fist

I dried the tears with the back of my hand

I squared my shoulders

Anger now pouring out of my eyes

I stood taller somehow

Resolution!

Awareness does not always come

Wrapped in a pretty bow

Often it cuts

Like a knife

Straight into the heart

Cutting through to the bone

I grabbed for the black tube

And gave a small, angry, defiant grin

I opened the tube slowly

Turned the knob at the base

And raised it up to the mirror

taking a deep breath

Should I really?

My head snaps back up

Did you stop to think

Before you hurt me

No!

And I write my message in red lipstick

THE END!

Someday

This is a poem that has much meaning for me at this point in my life. This poem spoke to my heart and my life and flowed down through my fingers needing a voice. For anyone living in an internal darkness, I understand. For anyone surviving not living, I understand. For anyone feeling too much and then nothing at all, I understand. For anyone floating on a cloud of pain, I understand. My answer is someday. Someday I will be fine again.

Someday

Someday I will stand on the top of the mountain

And scream at the top of my voice

I’m fine!

Someday I will swim in the depths of the ocean

And scream over the sound of the waves

I'm fine!

Someday I will sit in the darkest cave

And scream as it echoes off the walls

I'm fine!

Someday I will stand under the drops of rain

And scream over each clash of thunder

I'm fine!

Someday I will lie on the cool, green grass

And scream into the vast blue of the sky

I'm fine!

Someday I will stand under the darkened sky

And scream up at the large mocking moon

I'm fine!

Someday I will sit quiet and alone

And scream into the silence

I'm fine!

Someday I will stand unmoving within the crowd

And scream into the throng

I'm fine

Someday I will return home and open the door

And scream into my sanctuary

I'm fine!

Someday I will take up my pen and put it to paper

And write out in large capitalized letters

I'M FINE!

Someday

I will look into the mirror

And see my outline

And the colors and shadows

That make me beautiful inside and out

Someday

I will look down at my scars

And see the whiteness

And healing powers

Telling me I have strength to out live my pain

Someday

I will open my eyes

After a good night's rest

And smile not cry

Telling me that joy does exist again

Someday

I will cry

But they will be tears of joy

Like a rainbow after the rain

And know that hope resides in my land again

Someday

The flowers will have color

The sun will shine

The moon will not be ominous

And I will know they are watching me even behind the clouds

Someday

I will have hunger

My fingers will ache for my pen and paper

My heart will pound with excitement

And I will know the comfort that I live again

Someday

I will think of your face and your eyes

Remembering the love I felt

Relishing in the memories

And not live the ache of pain anymore

Someday

I will be fine

Someday

I will believe this again

And from the top of the mountain

I will shout

I'm fine!