No Turning

It has been a while since I have posted anything I have written. I thought it would be a nice change to the writings I have been doing to actually post a recent poem here.

No Turning

You can not stop a wave
From crashing on the shore
And make it turn around
To head back to sea.

You can not stop the wind
From blowing through the trees
And make it turn around
And not blow on me.

You can not stop the rain
From falling from the sky
And make it turn around
And head back to the heavens.

You can not stop the night
from bringing the darkness
And make it turn around
And leave you in the light.

You can not stop the day
From shining the light
And make it turn around
To stay comforted in sleep.

You can not stop the Earth
From spinning on its axis
And make it turn around
To return to days lost in the before.

You can not stop time
From moving forward
And make it turn around
To stay in a moment.

You can not stop youth
From growing and aging
And make it turn around
To innocence forever.

You can not stop the clouds
From hiding the moon
And make them turn around
The moon is still there.

You can not stop the clouds
From hiding the sun
And make them turn around
The sun is still there.

You can not stop hate
From happening in the world
And make it turn around
It is always somewhere.

You can not stop love
From happening around you
And make it turn around
It is always somewhere.

You can not stop loneliness, sadness and sorrow
From occurring to anyone
And make it turn around
It lurks behind the doors.

You can not stop happiness, laughter and courage
From brightening anyone
And make it turn around
It stands tall everywhere.

And you can not stop my hand from reaching for yours
Or my heart beating at the sight of you
Or the thoughts that bring a smile
Or the tears that bring the pain.
 
I will not turn away
I am still here.

Sign Up Ahead: We Are Nearing The Top Of Mount Everest

Samuel Johnson, brilliant poet and essayist said, "Words are but the signs of ideas."

I have recently moved. I changed cities, states, homes and my path to work. My new path to work is quite pretty and rural, albeit a bit scary when it is pitch black outside, foggy, and curvy with the potential to hit a deer.  That being said, the other morning it was so difficult to see the road that I had to be very aware of the signs pointing me in the right direction. My normal landmarks were there but covered by darkness. My sense of direction felt out of sync. So to keep on the right path I had to not focus on the road and seeing my way ahead of me, but rather trusting in the signs pointing me in the direction I should be going to get me where I wanted.

Reading and even writing often becomes a path you can not see.  As the reader or the writer it is about being led by signposts or words that have been put into place for a reason. Some may call this foreshadowing. Some may simply call this description. As Samuel Johnson pointed out the words are signs put in place by ideas.  It was the idea of the story that the writer had. The words that the writer chose and the sequence that the writer followed. Those words become signs for the reader to follow the same path of the story that the writer had. The writer may be able to see down the road of the story to where the destination lies but the reader is relegated to following the words and signs that the writer put into place to reach their destination.

As I am half way through finishing chapter twenty five and, realizing my book will have about five more chapters than originally thought, I try to plan out the remainder of those chapters.  I create outlines of each chapter as if they were a roadmap guiding me. When I started writing chapter twenty five, with my road map in hand, I realized that I was at the point of the novel where many of the climactic scenes are occurring and that as the writer I also was forced to remember and follow the signs in order to continue and keep sequence with my story. Only the signs I am following are also ones that I put into place.

I have spoken how the bigger the scene the harder it becomes to write at times because we have turned it into Mount Everest. I still hold true to that but the bigger the scene the more important it becomes that even the writer follows the signs to the top of the mountain. Having the outline of the chapter or a roadmap as I called it, does assist but it is important to recall all the allusions, motivations and details that were placed into the story prior to the major events. These are the signs that need to be followed so that your trek up the mountain of your story is smooth and easy and you can see where you are going like a map.  If a writer doesn't follow the signs that he or she put into place then the story becomes choppy and difficult to maneuver. The reader and even the writer may become lost and have to go back to recall what was done before. 

Writers can get off path themselves within their own stories or creativity. Sometimes it takes the form of actual writers block which I experienced for a bit. Sometimes it is just a matter that the story stopped to flow as smoothly and became a bit rocky. Having a scene to remember from what has already been written may help. Stepping away from the story and returning after a time may help. For me, what has helped was having an outline, a map so to speak, that has guided me as to where I want my story to go.

Even the bravest of hikers who have climbed up Mount Everest have a map and a compass. The writer has been creating the map of the story all along but now we are in the scenes that are more emotional, more symbolic, more intense. We are nearing the top of our mountain and that is always where things get a bit more wild. Don't worry though. The sign ahead says we are nearing the top. Only nine more chapters away for the summit.

Destination Imagination

“Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them.” Anais Nin

Emotions! With social media such a prevalent form of communication today and the lightning fast speed that information is processed and rejected or processed and then moved aside for the next logical piece of information, emotion has become a dirty word.

People are referred to as "too emotional". Doctors study emotions so that we can control them better. As kids we are often told to "buck up" or be more realistic. Yet, as a writer emotion becomes key. This may also explain why writers are viewed as artists and overly emotional. The experiences that the writer is putting into words is being felt by that author at the same time. As the foundation is being laid with the words, the feelings are the decoration of the house.

Emotions allow us to feel not just sorrow but great elation and joy and not just wrath and anger but great loneliness and introspection also. As a writer and a self-described emotional person, those emotions I feel have come from people and experiences. There has been great people in my life who have given me love and people who have made me afraid or sad or even lonely. There have been experiences in my life that have left me speechless and there are experiences that have left me in abject misery.

I was recently reminded about emotions through an experience and what emotions do is teach us about ourselves often. They teach us about the people around us, they show us the depth that life can take, the depth that love can take or the depth even that our selves can go either down in misery or up in celebration. Emotions can change from minute to minute and still provide memories that last a lifetime.

So as a writer how do I pin down emotions and portray them in a story so that the reader can feel what I may already have? The reader needs to feel the shadow of emotion that the writer has been describing in detail and feeling in earnest. The first hand emotions for the writer came from experience and knowledge.  The reader though is wading through the emotions of a novel second hand.  It may bring up a memory but it is not a first hand feeling. Those feelings have to be detailed and passed onto the reader so that in those details they are imagining or recalling as if it is first hand. When you watch a scary movie you know to scream at the appropriate scenes because of the detail of the movie leading you into that dark alley, footsteps coming faster behind you, until you see the knife glinting in the moonlight and scream "Run" to the screen.  The reader is given the details and the knowledge in a book as well. Only the knowledge is explained so that the reader can create the image and feelings in their own head versus having it handed to them on the screen.

While you are filling the scenes with the emotions and experiences of yourself and passing them onto the reader there is a third element or thought barrier at the same time. While detailing for the reader the emotions of a scene you still have to make the characters relatable and experiencing the situations provided without making the characters appear too self aware. There still needs to be a veil put in place for the character who is experiencing the storyline for the first time with no foreshadows or guidebooks and the emotions the characters are expressing would them seem more genuine.

Writing an emotional scene has to be thought of as a trip down the highway. Unless you are a genie you have to follow a path and can not skip ahead to your destination without following the full road. The writer feels the emotions and experiences then motors on down the road and places those feelings and experiences on paper with characters who are now realizing and experiencing as if first hand and those characters motor on down the road to the reader who is reading and taking in the story to its end where they imagine and picture their own feelings and experiences now stamped in place.

The beginning is great emotion and art from the writer and the destination is great imagination and feeling from the reader. In the end it all starts with a thought and an emotion.  Origin Emotion, Destination Imagination.

You Can't Make A Dog Into A Horse

Emotions! I have often discussed how as a writer my characters are real to me.  I have a vision of what they look like. The conversations that occur in the novel are conversations that I have felt I participated in.  Their motivations are so familiar and predictable to me it is as if we have become best imaginary friends.  The story unfolds under my fingers but for the writer it is the lives of the character that are falling into place like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle being put together.

Yet, in the scenes of pivotal action and great emotion it is often difficult to get the words down.  A writer can feel blocked by the daunting task of expressing that emotion. It has turned into a hurdle of Everest proportions and importance that the reader understand the catalyst of the story. What was told before led up to this one scene.  What occurs in this scene becomes the emotional stepping stone to realization or action or even separating the beginning to lead to the end of the story.

It is with difficulty that these emotional scenes are written or it is with difficulty that these scenes can not be written because the emotion being portrayed are not just those of the characters but of the writer as well.  The writer has sliced themselves open and his or her emotions are bleeding openly for the world to see and critique.  It may be also that the writer is pulling these emotions from their own past experiences so there is a tangle of the real with the imagined.  The writer having faced those emotions in the past with having to recreate them for fiction.  It is no wonder for me this pivotal scene has turned into a Herculean task.  I am an emotional writer and person. I give and show freely my feelings and I have put them into my characters.

However, I was reading a quote today by someone unknown that said, "If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog."  This idea appealed and struck me instantly.  The scene so difficult to write may come easier if I approach it and regard it in a different way.  Maybe I was envisioning how the scene will lead and how each word would progress and yet, it is not progressing as I had envisioned. So instead I need to focus only on each word and thought and follow its path to see how the story is truly forming. I was envisioning a horse but creating a dog. I was hoping the story would go one way and it may actually be following another design.

The thought of this is quite exhilarating in truth. I have let go the pre-conceived ideas about my novel and can watch my characters lives come alive as a creator and at the same time as a spectator.  I am not writing the summary and obituary of someone's life.  I am writing the tale and continuing of someone's life.  I am not looking back, I am only looking forward.  I am not forcing my dog to be a horse any longer. I am releasing the tight emotional grip, like a hovering parent afraid to let their child go, and instead I am giving my story a bit of leash to grow and cultivate and get through the emotional scene to accomplish...The End.

Welcome Back To The Writing Spot

Much of writing becomes inspiration.  You start by putting pen to paper and releasing a single idea or sentence which can lead to another sentence and then a paragraph and then pages of work that all flow like a river but starts with the inspiration of an idea.  Inspiration could come in the form of a single word, or a thought, or simply a statement someone made in passing.  Last night I got inspired to write a poem just from a discussion I was having when the response back was a single statement that led me to think and further the statement into a poem.  However, inspiration is not always easy to understand, grasp or have.  Inspiration is not always like riding a bike.  Sometimes you can sit in front of a blank page sweating because no words want to come off your pen onto paper and it feels as if the well of inspiration has dried up or is blocked in some emotional way. That inspiration is like dieting.  You can diet and lose weight and keep on track.  Yet, once you get off track from a diet it is very difficult to get back into the regime.

I have been off my inspiration track for a bit of time now.  It started as an emotional block because the story line had hit the pinnacle scene and the pressure I put on making sure the scene was perfect was creating a block, the block of perfection.  Then, it became a work issue since I am a writer that works full time and is a full time mother with a relationship.  The writing kept falling down the ladder rung by rung in importance.  Now, I look at the page and all I see is white and the feeling is daunting.  I yearn for inspiration from a word or a thought but I stare at the paper and nothing seems to want to rush out of me as it did before.  I know that we all have days when inspiration doesn’t hit us. Those days when inspiration doesn't hit can easily turn into several days, and then weeks and then months. 

The question becomes, how do you recapture inspiration?  Today as I was online I was intrigued by all the theories of how to do just that. Many ended with saying just start writing.  The problem is I can write poems and have been inspired there.  I can write short stories and am currently working on one.  I can write in my journal and get some of my emotional block out of me.  I can even think of future novel ideas but the inspiration to continue on to chapter twenty five still did not hit me.  The emotional block was too big and the writing ADHD too large of a hold on my window of inspiration.  Then I found a site that did not give advice but rather just some writing prompts for each day. Although, it has not yet inspired me I was intrigued by the idea of the prompt.

In life we often need prompts or cue cards.  We need those things that let our mind off the hook in one task to focus on another.  Then, what often can occur is that the task that was pushed aside rears up and demands attention and the inspiration can once again start to flow.  It is like looking for lost keys.  I have spent hours looking for keys that I have misplaced. I searched through all the nooks and crannies of my house getting more and more frustrated. Finally, I give up. I sit down filled with angst and needing to breath and that is just what I do. I sit and listen to my house and my own breath.  I relax myself and my mind and then BOOM!  In pops into my head the memory of what I did with my keys.  They were placed in a spot that I told myself was so that I could forget them. The problem was it was not my normal spot. I have not been in a normal spot of my life for a bit of time now. I started a new job that is stressful and demanding. I started a new relationship that is wonderful and consuming and I started other writing projects that were energizing and distracting. 

I need to return to my writing spot though. I don't want to give up any of the items that have been distracting me but I need to make room for the schedule and time and patterns I created that inspired me to write in my novel. I need to take the writing prompt I was given and start there and then transition into my routine with a bit more ease.  Even when you have a routine in place jumping back into a routine can be difficult when you have been away from it for a while. So, it is good to write something else that will help to transition back into the project you are working on. The poems are great, the short story energizing but they are not close to the topic I am writing. The writing prompt today makes me think of my novel. It has an element that could almost be pulled from my novel so that I can then smoothly move over to writing the story again.  Maybe that is the answer. Not just to write anything but pull a question from your story line independently and use it as a way to prompt your writing again. If you are writing about dinosaurs but have been writing poems on flowers it distracts from the storyline.  But, if you take and make a generic question like, "If I were living when the dinosaurs were living what kind of life and existence would I have?"

My writing prompt today for myself was, "You’re on a long flight, and a palm reader sitting next to you insists she reads your palm. You hesitate, but agree. What does she tell you?"  My story has a bit of mystical and magical. It contains a family with gypsy in them that learn they have abilities of the same. The answer, the palm reader would tell me that I have a long love line that has been disrupted many times until finally I find the right person and start to settle down. She would take my hand and see that I have experienced life.  I did not live but have had many emotional experiences. I am a person that feels deeply. I can be spontaneous but I like to plan. I can be outgoing and ambitious and successful but with the people I love prefer to relax and enjoy and be slow.  She would say my life line is long (I mean who doesn't want a long life line right?) and I touch many people's lives and search for meaning in human nature.

This writing prompt has left the characters in my head again and their words beginning to form so that I can put them on paper.  There has been a bit of life breathed back into my story line. It is still on life support but the more I write the stronger the hold of the story will become.  As I near the end and scenarios become more emotionally taut and the characters more driven by desires it is important to be able to focus and anticipate. I envision the room I like to write in and the invisible sign at the door flashing neon saying, "Welcome Back!"

Revolution...Vive La Writing!

Sometimes the best of writers, not that I am throwing my hat into that category, but, sometimes the best of writers need a little inspiration to get over a difficult block.  I love to read inspirational quotes from writers like Mark Twain or Maya Angelou because it makes me realize I am not alone. Those are my group therapy sessions for overcoming writers block.  Some of my favorite quotes that I have found recently are:

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. - Ernest Hemingway

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people not characters. A character is a caricature. - Ernest Hemingway

My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living. - Anais Nin

You fail only if you stop writing. - Ray Bradbury

These have been inspirational today as I am writing. The problem for me is not necessarily writers block but writers excess.  When you have writers block it is difficult to look at a page and put the words you want there.  The words may sit in your head but can not get out or like a dam they are just blocked from even pouring forth any ideas.  On the other hand, writing excess needs to be considered another writing setback in some cases.  Many writers have an overload of thoughts running in their heads. They are considering plot, movement, character, location, ideas, etc. Writing excess though is when there are multiple writing projects occurring all vying for the writer's mental attention.

Have you ever started reading a book, before finishing picked up another one to read with the idea of reading two at the same time, then another and another?  Soon you realize that you have not finished one of those books but you did start four. Starting four without finishing then can become chaotic for the brain if you have to keep trying to recall the stories and characters for each book respectively. For a writer it is even worse.

Writing incorporates all the ideas of reading except you add in creating.  Writers create the story.  They personify the characters.  They build the location with words and descriptions.  When a writer has multiple writing projects competing for space in their head it becomes overwhelming and then BAM!  You stop and you are back to the writers block scenario.  Writing excess can lead to writers block.

How do you stop that? That is an excellent question. I have four writing projects I am currently creating.  One is of course the ever present novel, but then I have two poems and a short story. The problem is each of these are in the creation mode and the starting mode but there is no completed stamp following because my thoughts are being overwhelmed.  The writers block dam has burst but now the ideas are flooding the banks. It is time to find a way to focus and control the deluge of ideas. 

I can not address which is best course of action to get over writers block or writers excess for anyone who is a writer but, I know for me, I need to take a step back and do something else. It helps to refocus my mind. That something else may not be any kind of writing or it can be just filling a page of my journal and using that as a starting place to organize and bring a bit of soothing calm to the chaos of ideas swirling around.  It is not a bad thing to have multiple projects.  It is a great feeling to be able to transition from one idea to the next.  It only becomes a hindrance when those projects become a swirling mass of ideas that are running around unfocused and frenzied.  So, we have to find a way to organize the brain. It does not mean you will stop writing, nor does it mean the ideas will go away.  The only thing it does is make the ideas form more of a straight line and bring some order versus running amok in your head as they were.

Once you can slow down the confusion of ideas writing then becomes more of an organized revolution. You can create and destroy and conquer and you can do that with four different writing projects started, only now your revolution has a peaceful ending because you have completed those same four writing projects with strategic planning and action. The ideas once taking over and overpowering the creativity are not continuously rioting through your head any longer.  As Ernest Hemingway did say, as shown above, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."  Writing takes passion and organization working together.  It takes a revolution of ideas and an organization of thoughts to create and conquer.  (In honor of Bastille Day!) Vive la Writing!!!

What Is Behind Door Number Three

Writing is like playing a game show. 

When I was growing up I remember my mom watching the Price Is Right or Jeopardy or even Wheel of Fortune.  I always was curious when you had to pick a prize behind one of three doors what the other prizes were.  Typically though, if you picked door number three you would get to see what you missed out on and what was behind doors one and two. 

Writing can often feel as if you are picking the prize behind generic door number three but never getting to see what was behind doors number one and two.  There are so many decisions that run through a writers head as the words fall upon the page.  These decisions can be instantaneous or they can be plotted out and deliberate.  When you write these decisions that by the end of a chapter or the story could have an impact on the outcome or the vision of the story.  Behind door number three you get a character with long dark hair, tall and smart.  You get a trip to Romania and DC and you get the storyline of being haunted by memories.  Yet, what if my story were set in Germany in 1962 or the character was illiterate or the family were open and friendly and close versus sinister and manipulative.  What if my main character were a male who played sports or was fat and sat in front of the TV all day or a grandmother or a child....these choices are endless.  Often, these may be the choices behind door number two.

When you watched those game shows they never let you change your mind AFTER you selected and saw what was behind door number three.  You had to stick with your decision.  This is not uncommon with writing.  Your story may change from your initial outline but as the story flows you are making decisions to keep everything moving.  When editing you can remove a minor character but that is again another decision.  In truth, as you are writing you have to commit to your main characters and locations.  This allows you to form relationships with your characters to the point that they appear real to you.  If a character feels real to you then the chances are better they will feel real to the reader.  This could also mean that you may have to do a little research to add in landmarks on your locations but it will seem as if you were really there. Behind door number three is a fantastical trip to a far off land and yet you never have to leave your seat and you computer.  You don't have to pack anything but your imagination.

That does in no manner negate all the work that goes into your story.  In fact, if you think of that same game show format you will recall that you can't pick the ultimate prize without making it through the maze to the end of the game.  Every chapter and progression is getting you to the final scene and so what is behind door number three...maybe a completed, finished work and there standing behind my door number three may be a publisher.  Or, I can pick door number two and learn that I want to self-publish. Or, I can go with door number one and become a crazy lady with ten cats who dies and they find piles of manuscripts locked in a safe with my will that leaves everything to my cats... Writing is like playing a game show and selecting a prize door all the way through.  The important part is committing to your decision and your story and whichever door you select there will be a prize because of your accomplishment of a finished novel.

Read...Learn...Create. Thank You Maya Angelou!

Many who know me intimately know that Maeve Binchy was one of my favorite authors growing up. I have a few favorite childhood authors in fact because in my household reading was the foremost pastime. To name a few there was L.M. Montgomery, Beverly Cleary, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Julie Campbell Tatham and the list could go on and on.  As I got older I discovered different genres like crime and mystery and couldn't get enough of Patricia Cornwell, John Grisham or James Patterson.

However, in honor of my father on this most recent father's day I must credit him with introducing me to so much more. I usually list my three most cherished memories of my father as riding our bikes all around town, listening and learning to appreciate the Beatles and my love of baseball.  Yet, when I think of my Dad I also recall literature, not just books but classic literature. I credit him with introducing me to a literature that is considered classical and such authors as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Shakespeare (of course), Mark Twain, and again I could go on and on.

He may not have realized at the time what introducing his like minded daughter to such classics would do.  It opened my thinking of language.  It expanded my world of expression and enriched my abilities of discourse beyond a teenager's slang.  It also opened my thinking so that I could imagine those worlds that do not exist anymore but held a romanticism that I did not find in my own. Reading those classic stories, that still touch people today, influenced so much of how I learned to love words and discover my passion of writing.  It opened my mind to poetry and rhythm of words, fiction that held characters still so real hundred years after pen to paper materialized them for the readers, and locations that became characters in their own right.

As a result of my father's influence, by the time I got to college I discovered so many other writers like Langston Hughes, Margaret Atwood, Allen Ginsberg and of course Maya Angelou. When Maeve Binchy passed away last July I was so saddened. I felt that I had lost a friend I had never met. All the characters she introduced me to and the idea of Ireland she portrayed seemed as if it had a dark shroud of mourning placed over it. This year Maya Angelou passed away and I again felt that same sadness. In many respects she was one of the biggest influences when I thought of being a writer. Her words of inspiration having touched so many people around the world was undeniable but it was her life that influenced me.

Often we have dreams that seem so epic and large that to really reach for them we instead become our own barrier. I have always wanted to write more than short stories and poems and start my own fiction novel. Yet, the dream became so large and mixed with my own internal doubts, it was as if I built a boulder that I could not lift or move that blocked my path.  Then, I watched a simple interview of Maya Angelou one afternoon.  She talked of her simple upbringing and yet her passion for writing . She spoke of the influences in her life and the trials she went through which she used to then share with the world what she learned and how she overcame each to reach happiness.  A happiness that was discovered through writing and a passion for writing that was endless. It was as if she always had the stories inside of her knocking at the door of her mind but until she let go of some of her fears she could not unlock the door to let those stories out and put them on paper. In the end, it was the fears that held her back that also pushed her forward. 

In honor of Maya Angelou and her influence on me I have found some of her most inspirational quotes about writing:

What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks “the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.” And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, “Okay. Okay. I’ll come.”

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
 
Making a decision to write was a lot like deciding to jump into a frozen lake.
 
Talent is like electricity. We don’t understand electricity. We use it.
 
Tell the truth and not the facts.
 
The writer has to take the most used, most familiar objects—nouns, pronouns, verbs, adverbs—ball them together and make them bounce, turn them a certain way and make people get into a romantic mood; and another way, into a bellicose mood. I'm most happy to be a writer.
 
I see a yellow pad, and my knees get weak, and I salivate.
 
Poetry is the strongest language we have.


And of course my favorite quote that I have never forgotten once I read it:

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.

If I had to give anyone advice about writing it would be to first be a reader. Discover different authors and genres and formats. Try to emulate and then try to create.  First learn as a spectator and then discover your own voice, words and story and you will stand out on your own.  It took me a long time to get over my own fear of starting to write a novel. In that time though I was learning and reading and discovering. Once I was ready it was because of the influence and passion I could no longer deny to finally write my own novel. This in turn has led to an outpouring of ideas and creations to follow this first book. So if you are a writer...read and learn, then go out and create. The stories are inside of you just waiting to fall upon the page. As Maya Angelou taught us..."A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." Unlock your song, or story, and let it sing.

Long Live Words!

As Ernest Hemingway said, "Once writing has become your major vice and greatest pleasure only death can stop it. "

Words. I want to discuss words. Obviously to a writer words are important but I was recently reminded by someone how important words are to me.  Ironically, it was due to an argument with an individual who did not believe words were important. As a note of advice to anyone, telling a writer words are not important is like flashing a juicy, red steak to a rabid dog. 

I credit musicians with the ability to make people feel through the sounds and music they produce and though a listener may not necessarily understand the notes on the page in front of the musician they can feel emotions such as sadness, happiness, anger, calm, peace, energy.  Any number of feelings can be produced by the song they are hearing and it may be a feeling unique to them triggered by a memory or a shared love of a group enjoying the energy.

I credit painters and sculptures and artists of all kinds.  The ability to produce an image or shape a piece can move people, make them question, make them give thought and reaction. The viewer may not fully understand the detail and the work that went into the piece of art.  They may not understand the techniques used or the artist's motivations.  Yet the viewer can be so moved visually, stimulated by sight over an image or sculpture or dance that they can have a physical reaction.

On the other hand, a writer and reader have a symbiotic relationship.  The reader needs to understand what the writer is saying through the words.  A writer is compelled to express what they are feeling or thinking in those same words.  The difference between the writer and reader may be how those words are interpreted but the words are the foundation for both.  It is a relationship that ties writer to reader.

I have always been a logophile, which means word lover, and even more a sesquipedalian, a lover of long words.  I have often been known to just pick up the dictionary and open it to any page and read the reads until I find one I do not know just to learn a new word.  When I left 8th grade my school had a graduation type ceremony and my parents gifted me a red dictionary and a yellow thesaurus.  Those are, to this day, books that go with me wherever I live, those and my large anthology of the Complete Works of Shakespeare. 

So in response to the individual who tried to say that words are not important but that it was the underlying, hidden meaning that was important, my response is that I respectively but emphatically disagree.  Words are like a house.  Words are the foundation and the hidden underlying meaning is the interior design.  You can not have the inside of a house without a foundation.  You can not arrive at a thought or underlying meaning without words.

Words have roots but no boundaries.  Words can start wars or end wars.  They are a weapon that can kill and heal.  They can excite and arouse, anger and abase, elate and sadden, describe, encourage, discourage, create images and fantasy, express love, express hate.  They can sooth and caress and teach and entertain.  There is no boundaries to how words fit into our lives.  Words do not need sound, which if you want someone do sign language can be beautiful, but those signs are based on words. They are symbols and warnings and messages and creations.

Words not important. Ha! In this debate I can not side with that opinion. In fact, I recommend everyone at least once a week open their dictionaries and learn a new word. Go to the library and just stop in front of a book, open to any page and seek a word you may not recognize. The root of words is historical, the boundaries of what words can do endless and the hold it has on each and every one of us is tight. Words do matter.  They will live to fight another day and in another way. Long live words!

The Four Seasons of Writing

I finally put away my winter clothes this past weekend. I held on to them a bit long because it was so cold this winter and I wanted to be prepared if this warm, sunny weather did not really stay around.  As I was placing the last sweater out of the way, I realized that each season we all have certain traditions that mark the change of season, the progression of the year, the movement of life.

Spring:  I equate Spring as the first real season of the year even though we start the year in Winter. I hate the cold so much I prefer to think of a new year as a new season.  Spring makes people feel as if they just woke up from a long nap. The trees are blossoming.  If you live in DC, you get a couple weeks of amazing blossoming of the Cherry Blossoms and you feel as if that is the mark that spring has finally arrived. In poems and books spring is about rebirth. It can mean new love or new opportunities.  The dark winter has moved to a lightness that you can feel even in people around you.

Summer: We have gotten used to the light and now have to deal with the heat. It is very analogous. Often what attracts us initially has a glow and softened edges.  Yet, exposed to the harsh heat and light those same edges are sharp and we did not notice until they had been exposed to the light for a length of time. Summer can be enjoyable and celebratory but just don't forget your sunblock or you will get burned by the light.

Autumn: I love autumn and not just because my birthday is right before the start of autumn.  Autumn to me is acceptance and a comfort.  We face the bright light and now we can snuggle down to a bit of comfortable warm or coolness. It is not too cold yet, it is no longer too warm.  Autumn is the equivalent of the "Three Bears" of seasons...it is just right.

Winter: I enjoy about one week of winter and then I am usually ready for spring.  That is not truly fair.  We need winter and the cold.  I understand the theory of appreciating spring because of winter.  I understand the need for the world to hibernate in order to refresh itself. I just wish it wasn't so cold. The one good thing about winter is that it is a perfect time to snuggle under the covers with a good book or a cup of hot chocolate. I can not focus in the winter, not because I am not as distracted by the outdoors but because I feel the need to just sleep like a brown bear. It is darker in the winter and movements feel slower.

Many may disagree with my assessment of the year. That is my assessment of course. As I was pulling out my writing this weekend to work on it, which I have not done in a while, I realized my book was like the seasons.  You start the beginning with a promise of a story and an excitement over the possibilities of what you are writing. As you progress you sometimes find yourself searching your characters motivations to know how to continue and may even see the story take a direction for which you were unprepared.  That is what happened to me and, though I feel it is better than I initially envisioned, it is still a small internal fight to let go of your initial outline. The characters and motivations were not known initially though and a character's personality can shape how the story progresses as I have learned. Then I got comfortable with the new direction of the story and the words started to fall upon the page easier. I was exhilarated by the new direction but there was a comfort and acceptance in what was occurring and what was ensuing.  I am now in the winter of my story though and the harshness of the plot line is revealing itself.  The emotions of the characters are raw and revealing.  The main action is approaching.  I am winding down in the story but before we can get back to Spring we have to go through Winter.  Before we can come to the end and the resolution of the action we have to first get through the harsh realities and the emotions of the characters. 

I have not been able to write as much because of the depth of the action and emotion has been a bit daunting.  I am in the winter of my novel and it has made me want to just snuggle under the covers and shut out the story. It is spring now though and we can once again step outside and see the sunshine.  My story has been brought out again and as the winter of the story comes to a close I move closer to the end and the resolution.  Writing is just as seasonal and my novel is almost ready for Spring.

When Writing Becomes Mt. Kilimanjaro

How do you climb that mountain when you are look up at it from the bottom and it seems so big? You made the long trek to the mountain.  You know you have to scale to the top and then work your way back down the other side. At the bottom of the other side is the end of your journey and the golden gates you had been searching for all along.  Yet, the mountain looms before you, daunting in its size and seeming to grow bigger as you stare at it.

That is what goes through my mind as I try to work on the current chapter of my book.  I have been working on this chapter for a long time.  Of course my busy work schedule has also added a barrier to working on it .  I have arrived to the chapter where much of the emotional, pinnacle secrets that one of the characters held close are revealed.  These secrets will then lead to the emotional rift in the relationship and act as a catalyst for the main action.  The chapter and its events are the stepping stones to the main action of the story. That is a lot of pressure for one little chapter and one little character.

When I was young a group of us would all play together.  One of those times we all lay down on the ground and stared up into the beautiful blue sky.  I noticed as I stared at it the sky felt as if it were getting closer and at the same time getting bigger.  It would make me dizzy watching it seemingly change before my eyes. Yet, nothing changed but my own perspective. It was my own feeling of smallness and inadequacy at something so big that made it grow.

Recently, when I was talking with a friend, I was commenting that I felt as if I had writer's block and did not know how I was ever going to finish. I began discussing the book and its theme and realized that I could describe the action, the characters and even the ending. So, what was holding me back from writing this one chapter? The emotion and the idea that it was the start of the main action. I made the idea so much bigger in my head that even the words seemed small to describe and say what I wanted. I turned the one scene into a mountain when really it was just a small hill that leads to another hill.  I was thinking of the scene as it related to the ultimate action. I was not looking at it as just another scene that led to the another path and another scene. 

In my description to my friend I also made the realization that the emotional action between the two characters who are sisters was also causing some of the reticence for writing it.  I have no real problem writing fight scenes between two sisters.  After all, I have two sisters of my own and plenty of experience in fighting with them to recall.  I have plenty of experience in arguing our differences very loudly and forcefully.  Yet, these two characters are part of me.  Each girl is a part of who I am, one more than the other.  It was more like I was putting myself and my own fallacies onto the page than that of a character in my head.  Writing is a great therapist until what you fear most is the actual written out form of yourself. This is not like placing your innermost thoughts in a journal. It is more like opening up your head and letting the world see all the crazy synapses you have going on inside.

So, the question is how do you look at the mountain and see it isn't as big as you think? Frankly, I do not have a definitive answer for that question other than you take a deep breath, find a quiet moment, and just start to write. It may start slow and still feel a bit as if you were scaling Mt. Kilimanjaro but the top of that writing mountain will appear closer with each word.  Besides, there is always editing and rewriting. Just get the original thoughts down initially and you can go back and change the way it moves later.  In order to get to the next chapter you have to take it one word at a time and get through this one first. If you have the framework of this chapter done you can always change the flow and design through editing.  Release some of the pressure. Lighten your load because there will be other mountains to scale in the future and more words to push you forward to the top.

The Criminality of Procrastination

I recently read something from Fran Lebowitz when I was trying to procrastinate on my own writing that called me out on my procrastination and made me realize that most of procrastination is a self-made emotional problem.

"Not writing is more of a psychological problem than a writing problem. All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. ... It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. Especially when it goes on for years. It's much more relaxing actually to work."

Often procrastination is not about writer's block or even too much work, it is about an emotional block. I sometimes like to call that the Twitter Block. Simple ways to distract yourself from writing in this fast-paced, social media world with Twitter and Facebook and Instagram as an avoidance of dealing with characters or the way a story is unfolding.

The problem with giving in to that procrastination and finding ways to distract you away from your writing is that it does feel almost criminal after a while.  You start to feel bad about not writing but not enough to stop the procrastination until it feels almost "criminal" as Fran Lebowitz described.  Your fingers being to ache to hold a pen, your brain starts to move a million miles, jumping from topic to topic, idea to idea, character to character. All trying to push you and pull you and get you to just sit down and WRITE!

Then, when you feel you can't take anymore you shut off the computer, you turn off the TV, you close the distractions in your mind and you sit down. You sit down and take up your pen and put it against the paper and the words start to pour out of you. You feel the movement of the pen and hear it pass over the page in a noise so familiar to your ears it is like comfort. Pages and pages fall to the side filled with the progressing story and the interesting lives of your characters.  You stop only when your hand begins to hurt and your brain, energized by the release of ideas, begins to tire from the constant motion of the story. 

Finally, you lean back in the chair and feel yourself give a sigh. That procrastination feeling has gone, at least for this day, and the constant whisper in your ear to write has been silenced.  You are no longer the criminal procrastinator and you feel a bit at peace with the idea that the writing police you imagined tracking and chasing you with each tick tock of the clock as you ignored your writing, they have now been satisfied. No more writer's jail for you only writing.  It is amazing what pressures a writer puts on themselves.  They become their worst enemies when they know they want to or need to write and yet find ways to sabotage themselves.  A creative mind is always moving.  It is trying to make sure it is moving towards productivity and not procrastination that may sometimes be a challenge.  To that, as I have fallen into this trap many times myself, I offer only this one piece of advice...

Stop, Breath, Write!

Stuck Between Re-Editing and Re-Writing

I have been stuck at home in the snow, overwhelmed with work projects and trying to keep my life in order which is a hard task as a single, working mother. Unfortunately certain areas of life have fallen to the wayside because of this. One of those would be my personal writing. I have done plenty of thinking of the characters and the story. They are familiar companions at this point. What I have done little of is actual writing.

The other day when I was thinking of my writing though I started to envision, not the continuation of the story and where I had left it off, but rather a new beginning. I started to re-write the beginning with the idea that it would flow better with the story line which may be true but it got me to wondering when we look back to what we have written because we are stuck and can not move forward where we are in our current writing.  I think in life everyone does this.  They are scared to move forward or don't know what the next step will be and so it is easy to fall back to the past as a comfort because it is done and completed and the results already proven.

The problem with not moving forward with the story and going back to the beginning is that it is easy to convince yourself that you are just editing or re-editing so that the work can flow better.  In reality you are re-writing and then the inevitable feeling that the story has become too chaotic and unfocused.  You want to move forward with Chapter Twenty-Five (as in my case) but the only thing you are thinking about is the beginning and re-writing it. 

Stop!  Breathe! Then ask yourself these questions:

1.  Is this really necessary now or am I avoiding a difficult passage by re-creating an old one?

2.  Will it add value to the story? If you are going to return to the beginning and re-write entire passages before you are ready to edit the book fully is it because you know it will add value to the story.  Think carefully because when you finish the initial writing process and the book is completed so that you begin to edit, is that the first place you go to again re-create it.

3.  Why now? Sometimes going back though can be good because it gives you insight into how to move forward.  If you answered the first two questions or, decided to ignore the answers, maybe what you want most is a way to get through a difficult passage.  The current chapter I am on currently is very emotional and revealing and the strength of all the sentiments may be holding me down and unable to know how to proceed and get through the emotion.  Focusing on another area may do just that and give a push or insight on how to progress.

Overall, I think it is common for anyone to want to look backwards in order to move forward. We all learn from our past mistakes, or hope to.  This includes characters in a story.  Their lives are linear just as ours.  If a character is written right they become real to the author and those characters' lives are just like ours where they have ambitions and contentions and life stories to overcome.  Maybe it is best then to not look back until you get to the end and the true editing process begins.  I think we all have a bit of Lot's wife in us though...we yearn to look back at what we know and not forward to what we don't even if we know it will turn us into a pillar of salt.