My Heart Beats For Me

I know I promised the second part of the short story I posted last week.  Unfortunately, my week did not go as planned. It was emotional and sad. It was painful but full of realizations. It was not all bad though. I learned that I am getting another writing award. This is the second one in a month I will be receiving. That is very exciting. The up and down emotions of my week though made it difficult for me to write and caused a bit of an emotional block for writing my story and even my novel. Sometimes that works for writing. Writing then becomes a way of corralling those emotions instead of having them fly all over the world and in your face. Sometimes, though, there is not control and they run rampant around you. Then it is a bit like herding cats.

I have calmed down quite a bit. I have found some of my focus. It returned to me in verse instead of in words for my story. Below is the poem that came to me as I was rebuilding my strength and realization that I do deserve happiness in this world, everyone does. It often just takes pushing that rock up the hill one more time in the hope that this time it will reach the top and not fall down again.

My Heart Beats For Me

You can cut off my feet
But, I will then learn to crawl.
You can push me to the ground
But, I will pull myself back up.
You can cut off my arms
But, I will then learn to stand taller.

You can turn your back on me

But, it won't take away what you said.
You can cut me at the knees
But, I will still find a way out of this pain.
You can slice open my body
But, I will still be amazed by my heart's beating.
You can cut off all my hair
But, I will still have a beauty.
You can take away my sight
But, it won't stop me from seeing.
You can bind my wrists
But, I will still scream my loudest.
You can take away my words
But, I will still hear the poetry.
You can cover my ears
But, I will still know the feel of your whispers.
You can cover my eyes
But, I will still remember the colors of Spring.
You can cover my mouth
But, I will still sing in my heart.
You can ignore me
But, I still exist.
You can scream at me
But, I can still have love.
You can look at me with hate
But, I know I can still deserve happiness.
You can stop loving me
But, I know that I still believe in magic.
You can shout at me insults
But, I still have hope.

I can push this rock up the hill
And have it come back down
Again
And again
And again.
I will not give up.
I will not give in.
I will push that rock up the hill
Until we reach the top at the end.

I can take up the fight
And lose the battle
Again
And again
And again.
I will not give up.
I will not give in.
I will fight on
Until the war has come to an end.

You can pierce me through the heart
And, though I bleed
You haven't taken away my ability to love
My hope, my happiness, my heart
Still reside within
My strength, my character, my truth
Still define who I am
My emotions, my tears, my joy
Still shine on my face
And, though I may be broken
Battered and abused.
I may be unable to move
Unable to stand
Tired without and within
You only pierced my heart
And watched it bleed
No feeling or emotion on your face
I felt it beat
I felt my life
I did not die
I will fight, and love
And cry, and laugh
Stand tall
Be strong
I will do all this again
This time not for you
This time my heart
It beats for me.