Class Pictures
The alarm sounded and I slowly rolled over to make the loud, persistent noise stop. Without ever opening my eyes I rolled back over and burrowed deeper under my covers hoping for just a few more moments of sleep. As I lay there warm and secure, my eyes suddenly fluttered open. I remembered what today was…Class Picture Day!
That morning was going to be its normal bustle of activity trying to get myself ready for work and trying to get Jack ready for school. I poured myself a cup of coffee and then leaned against the counter as I took a sip. This was my brief moment to relax before the rush of the day started. As I stood there this morning though with my hands wrapped around my steaming coffee mug I could hear Jack in the bathroom. I listened as he meticulously got ready for school.
Jack was nine years old and had a tendency to mutter to himself when he was frustrated. This morning was no exception. I stood and listened as he had to have the perfect outfit and then tried to get his hair just right. I could picture him running a comb through his unruly brown curly hair and maybe even slicking it back with water in hopes of having the perfect look for his school pictures. I heard him give a big sigh and say, “good enough,” and then walk out to greet me. He looked at me hoping that I would notice all the care he took on his appearance that morning. “You look very handsome champ.” I said as he sat to eat his breakfast and he gave me a big smile.
A bit later I dropped Jack off at school and drove into work. I managed to arrive at work right on time and got to my desk quickly. My boss soon after made his normal rounds of checking on everyone. As he stepped to my desk he asked, “How are you? How is Jack doing?”
“We are good. It is class picture day and he is a bit nervous but he is well,” I responded. He smiled absently and then nodded and walked away saying, “Good, good.”
As he stepped away I leaned back in my chair with the second cup of coffee in my hands that day and gave a relaxed sigh. I started to think of Jack and his picture day and hoped his pictures turned out to his satisfaction. As I usually did I started thinking back to my own 5th grade picture day.
I did not realize how important that day would be for me then. I could remember the day in all its detail though and as I sat there my mind wandered back until I could almost feel the same feelings and remember those same thoughts of my ten year old self and I was back twenty years earlier.
First Grade
My mother softly padded into my room that morning wrapped in her pink, fuzzy robe and matching slippers. She softly laid her hand against my cheek and gave me a little kiss. That was how she used to wake up all of her kids. My eyes opened slowly and then my face instantly scrunched up and my voice creaked out, “Class picture day.” I dreaded class picture day and she knew it. She just smiled and told me to get up and put on my new lavender dress and ribbons she bought earlier that week. She was hoping that would help ease some of my anxiety over class picture day.
I dragged my feet that morning though and barely had time to eat my breakfast. My mother ended up in a rush braiding my hair and putting in the new lavender ribbons that matched my dress. I did not always hate picture day but it just never seemed to work out for me. By fifth grade I dreaded my pictures and picture day and I was sour faced as I sat there waiting for my mother to finish braiding my hair which was torture itself since she did not have a light touch and tended to pull my hair really tight. “I have three other kids to get ready young lady. Sit still and stop complaining.” I remembered she finally said to me that morning.
It all started with my first grade class picture. I was so excited that year to have my picture taken. That week I was allowed to get a new store bought dress. Mom normally made all of our clothes at the time but then it was only me and my brother and my brand new baby sister. The night before my first grade pictures was utter chaos in the household. My sister was only a few weeks old and screaming at the top of her little baby lungs. My brother was three and he kept running around the table screaming his war cries hoping to garner more attention than the baby crying. Every time he passed me with his little foil and cardboard sword he would poke me so I was yelling, “Mom, make him stop.”
Our mother finally got up and picked up the baby and said “I am taking a time out. You two fight amongst yourselves until your dad gets home.” We just stared at her for a moment and went back to our fighting. My brother tired though of his one-sided sword fighting and saw the bag of Halloween candy my mother was going to give out in about a week during trick or treating. He picked up the piece of gum and started chewing it. He did not like how big it was in his mouth though and took it out of his mouth and threw it. He used to throw everything or run into everything or crush and destroy everything with loud fanfare. The fanfare that night was my screams at him and then my tears. His gum landed right in my beautiful long blond hair.
My mother tried everything to get it out. She used peanut butter, baby oil and then just tried tugging until I was screaming too hard to continue. Finally, she had to cut off my long hair. She tried her best to shape my hair to look nice but since the gum was so high up on my scalp it was pretty much a lost cause.
My first grade pictures arrived and I had barely any hair and I looked miserable with my sad little face looking out.
Second Grade
The next year I decided my second grade class pictures were going to be different. I was determined but still excited for the day to arrive, even more so now to erase the picture I had to see everyday for a year from first grade. My brother was four now but still a bit loud and obnoxious, at least to my seven year old self. I kept as far away from him for the whole week leading up to picture day, at least as much as I was allowed. My little sister was one but dainty and small and still too little to do any damage. I figured I had my plan and I was excited. It was going to be better.
The afternoon before picture day I decided to instead play with some of the neighbor kids that often hung out at our house. We had a large back yard with a jungle gym, an enormous swing set, a sand box and the best and biggest tree for climbing possible. They loved hanging out in our back yard. We loved to play hide and seek at that age also. I hated being the one to count and have to seek so I always tried to be in the group to hide. That day I found the best hiding place.
We had a small yellow shed on the corner of our backyard where my parents kept their tools and the lawnmower and miscellaneous items needed. On the far left side of the shed was where my Dad kept our firewood under a blue tarp for the upcoming winter months. There was just enough room between the firewood and the fence dividing our property and our neighbor’s for me to scrunch up really small and slide in there. I was so proud. No one found me and I was the winner.
We were all called by our mothers for dinner a bit later. As I sat at the dinner table I started to feel uncomfortable. It was as if a thousand pins from my mother’s sewing basket were being stuck in me and made me want to itch and scratch them. I started to not feel very well. As dinner was ending my father looked over at me and asked, “What is going on with your face? You have little red spots on you.”
I started to scratch at them and then my mother took a look at me and asked, “Where were you playing today?”
“I was by the firewood.” I said as I started to whimper a bit and feel the tears coming. I knew it was not good. My parents looked at each other and both ended up saying in unison, “Poison Ivy.”
My second grade pictures arrived that year and I am pictured with little red spots on my face and of course there was still the same sad little face that was in the previous year pictures.
Third Grade
Third grade picture day was upon me a year later. I was still excited but getting very wary about the day. I knew I needed a really good picture that year. My mother said she wanted to use all of our pictures to make a little collage for our grandmother and I was determined that this year it will be a fantastic picture. I had another baby sister arrive a few months previously so she along with my now two year old sister and five year old brother would all be pictured in what was supposed to be a cute collage showcasing all of us as young kids.
The night before pictures my two year old sister, who liked to follow me wherever I went, watched me as I did my homework. I was practicing my handwriting on a sheet of paper. I could not find my pencil though so I grabbed Mom’s permanent black marker pen and was writing with my new cursive letter skills.
My sister and I shared a room now since the new baby had to be put in the small baby room which was located closest to our parent’s room. That night my Mom was tired since all the new baby did was cry, and she sent us to bed early. It was still daylight but would be dark soon and I had played all day outside so I fell asleep right away. My little sister though was wide awake and bored.
As I slept she got out of her new big girl bed and saw my handwriting paper and the marker I had used. She picked up the marker and started to make pictures all over the paper like she was practicing her own writing. She got bored with that activity though and my little sister, who was always a little naughty with a big twinkle in her eyes that often gave her mischievous side away, walked over to my bed where I was sleeping and gave me freckles and drew rainbows on my cheeks. She used to draw rainbows on everything.
The next morning my mother came into the room and saw her sleeping on the floor with her little butt in the air and paper and pictures she had colored all over the floor. Then my mother looked over at me and that morning I was not awakened by her normal morning kiss but rather her scream of “Oh my God! What in the world happened in here?!?”
I spent the morning of third grade picture day getting my face scrubbed so hard that it felt as if I was having a layer of skin removed. My mother did her best but after a while had to admit defeat. “I got almost all of it. I doubt anyone will notice.” She had said in an effort to cheer me up since I had spent most of the time crying my little eyes out.
My third grade pictures arrived and I had two faint rainbows that were noticeable painted on my cheeks and little black dotted freckles all over my face and of course the same miserable, sad face looking out. To make matters worse, even Mom decided not to use my school picture for the family collage that year.
Fourth Grade
By fourth grade I was no longer excited for picture day but I was still determined to have a good picture. Plus, I figured there was not much else that could happen to damage this picture. I was a bit of an eternal optimist, though my resolve was wearing a bit thin. I knew my hair was long and beautiful again and my mother had spent the morning giving my blond hair sweet little curls. My six year old brother had the flu that day so he was very quiet and my three year old sister was busy being followed by our little one year old sister herself now so had her attention diverted playing baby dolls with her.
I felt good as I got to school. I was excited again for picture day. I sat in class and could barely sit still for my teacher to announce our classroom’s turn with the photographer. We headed out for a morning recess and I stayed with my two best friends swinging on the swings and could remember the feeling of happiness. I heard the school bell being rung for all of us to line up and then go back to class. We ran over to the doors and waited. Some of the boys continued to play their baseball game though not wanting to end it until they had the last run done. I remembered hearing the ball hit the bat and turned to see who had made a good hit and then watched as the ball was falling down over me and did not have time to move or react, “Thwack.” The baseball hit me right in the eye.
My teacher was just coming out of the doors to lead us all back to the classroom and saw the incident. She rushed me to the nurse’s office where I sat for the next hour with ice over my eye. The nurse kept saying, “You are so lucky. Your teacher said that ball hit you hard. You are so lucky to not be hurt more.” I was sent back to the classroom and we were called soon after to go down and have our pictures taken.
My fourth grade pictures arrived and I had the largest black eye I had ever seen up to that point, and my other eye was red from crying and I had the same sad little face looking out that I had continued to have for four years now.
Fifth Grade
So, on the morning of my fifth grade class pictures I was not excited, I was not happy; I was just waiting for what could happen next. I had a frown on my face all morning. It was raining that fall day we were not allowed to play outside and I just sat at my desk with my head in my hands staring out the window of the classroom at the rain. We finally were called down to have our pictures taken and I started to drag my feet until my teacher looked over at me and said, “Come on pick up your feet. You can’t prolong the inevitable. Let’s just get it over with.”
I waited in line as each kid was brought into the little room to have their picture taken. For me it was more like waiting in a line to be sent off to my slaughter. I started to fidget on my feet back and forth until the teacher sent a look over at me that froze me to the spot. As I edged closer and closer I felt my stomach tighten and knew how bad this had to be. I was the last person in line and it was finally my turn. So I took a big gulp and started to walk forward.
The room looked as it always did on picture day. There was a large camera on a tripod in the center facing a stool with a sheeted background. Around the sides and back of the camera was a red velvet curtain that hid the face of the man taking the pictures. There were long, thick black wires all over the floor and as I shuffled forward I tripped a bit on one of them, catching myself before I could fall completely.
I sat down on the stool and wriggled around until I was comfortable sitting on it. Then I looked into the camera remembering all the awful episodes before today. I could not bring myself to smile. I was so busy being miserable and imagining how awful my pictures would be.
A face peeped out from behind the camera. He was an older man with a white beard and white hair around his ears. The top of his head though was a shiny baldness that caught the light. He had soft blue eyes and thin wire-rimmed glasses and his look was directed right at me.
“Why do you look so miserable my dear?” He asked me in a rich, deep voice that reminded me of my own grandfather’s voice. I instantly felt as if wrapped in a warm blanket when I heard his voice and proceeded to tell him my sad tale of all the past picture days.
The man listened intently and then knelt down to my level. “Can I tell you a story?” He asked me to which I nodded with open curiosity and as I sat slumped a bit on the stool I listened to his rich voice tell me his story.
“I used to have a little daughter much like you. She was my wife’s and my only child and we loved her more than anything in this world. She also would complain every year about her class pictures. She hated them. She swore that they were too ugly. Both her mother and I tried to convince her how beautiful she was and how much we loved her pictures but she never listened.
Well, when my daughter turned 15 years old she got very sick. She spent a lot of time in the hospital. She had surgeries and treatments. She lost her hair eventually. Nothing seemed to help make her better. Finally, after a year of treatments she was put into the hospital. She was so weak she couldn’t really walk on her own. She was very thin and there were tubes connected to her everywhere it seemed.
One day as she lay in her hospital bed she whispered to me that she heard it was class picture time. She begged me to take her to school. I could not say no to her. The hospital did not want her to leave so we made a secret mission. I unhooked the tubes and carried her all the way down to the car. Fortunately no one stopped us on the way. We pulled up to the school and I carried her all the way to the picture room. Again, no one stopped us and when we got into the room there was no one waiting so the photographer let me carry her over to the stool.
I had thought I would have to hold her up just to sit and get her picture taken but as I set my little girl on that stool she sat up really straight and gave the photographer such a beautiful smile. He snapped the picture and I remembered as we were leaving that he had tears in his eyes and a lot of sadness and whispered to her on the way out the door and gave her cheek a kiss. At this point I had to carry my daughter again. The moment the picture was taken she lost the energy that held her up and I returned her to her hospital room. A week later my beautiful little girl passed away.”
The man paused and wiped a tear from his eye. Then he took a shaky breath and continued, “For weeks her mother and I were sad. We could not eat or sleep or even talk to anyone. Then about six weeks after she died we got a knock on the door. When we opened the door there was no one standing there but there was a large, flat box leaning against the wall. We brought it inside and both my wife and I looked at it curiously because there was no address slip on it. We could not tell who it was from or even what it was. There was just a small angel symbol in the corner.
I opened the box slowly. I could see that there was a picture frame inside so I tugged and pulled until it came all the way out of the box. My wife saw it first and gasped and then started to cry. I turned to the picture frame and saw the most beautiful thing ever.”
Again, the man stopped talking and this time a tear escaped and started to roll down his face but he had a sad smile on his face. “What was the picture of?” I asked so curious now at his story.
“Inside were all the school pictures my daughter ever had all along the edge of the frame and in the middle the biggest picture of them all was the picture she took that day I carried her to the school. She was beautiful. Her smile was so bright and she looked healthy and healthy in the picture.
My wife and I took the picture frame and hung it up right in the doorway. Then everyday I would get home from work it was always the first thing I would see, my little girl smiling at me so perfectly. Even if I had a bad day or a good day that was my favorite part of the day and always made me feel better. When I go home tonight I will again see my little girl and her beautiful smile. She had no hair and was thin and sick but she is still so beautiful to me.”
With that he got up and went back behind the camera. I thought for just a moment and then sat up straight and gave my most beautiful smile for the camera.
That year when my pictures came back the bow in my hair is crooked and I had one eye slightly closed but I had a big, beautiful smile on my face. My mother told me it was a beautiful picture as she always did but this year I smiled back at her and asked if we could hang the picture by the doorway. She looked at me questioningly until I told her the story and then she did put the picture there. In fact, after that year we always hung our school photos right in the doorway and I would watch my parents come through the door and smile at all of their kids.
As I came home later that night after a long and very busy day, I put the key into the door and there looking at me was the face of my own beautiful son. His hair all messed up and he had a big scratch down his cheek but a big smile on his face. I took a deep breath and smiled as I felt all the tension of the day leave me. I love class picture day.
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